Marginalized Women | Aspect of Patriarchal Norms | No. 2 | The Invisible Rules for Women | Religiously Expected to Follow

Let's talk about the second aspect of patriarchal norms, which is about the invisible, religiously applied rules for women within society. There are no set numbers, since many people often don't acknowledge that these rules exist. Patriarchal dialogue does not reflect a command but more like advice. Before elaborating on other details, let's look at some of the advice given to women. Some of them are as follows:

Do not go out when it is dark.

Girls should be more careful with their actions.

A woman should learn to compromise. 

What will people say?

You are a girl. You can not do this.

After marriage, you will have to focus only on household chores and keep your career aside. 

Good women do not argue much.

These statements may sound ordinary or like personal opinions, as many of us have heard them in our households from older family members, especially mothers. In fact, they grow bigger because they are tied to a specific gender and repeated generation after generation, shaping society and pushing social responsibility onto one gender. This practice paves the way for patriarchy, as it becomes the unwritten rules, barely discussed and yet expected to be followed. 

What is Patriarchy?

As per the conventional view from CNN World, patriarchy is derived from the Greek word patriarkhēs, which means "the rule of father". Here, "father" refers to the man of the house. A social system where men control a large share of family, economic, political, and religious power, and inheritance. It can be followed by Allan Johnson Research, which says patriarchal societies are male-dominated and male-centered in majority of dimensions. 

In this case, the word does not usually directly imply that women are powerless and men have supreme power. Instead, it shows up through actions, social expectations, traditions, institutions, gender roles, and beliefs. Word of mouth normalizes them, so even most of us stop questioning them. 

In families, they say, "This is how society works." 

From childhood, they start narrating these statements as moral policies: boys are encouraged to be independent, strong, adventurous, and ambitious, while girls are encouraged to be polite, careful, responsible, and accommodating to maintain harmony. 

There are comparisons and double standards regarding both genders:

A boy who speaks loudly is called confident, and a girl would be described as bold (in a negative sense).

A boy arriving late might not face a penalty, but a girl would be doubted for her character and family honor and might receive a lecture about her safety.

When a woman prioritizes her career, she may be asked: “But what about your family?”

When a man chooses to remain unmarried, it is considered his personal decision. Whereas for the woman, they ask: “What's wrong with her?”

Their behavior can be the same, but the judgment is not. In short, boys are allowed to explore the world. Girls are trained to be careful. The message isn't explicitly stated, but children learn it and enter adulthood aiming to meet expectations of being good. My concern is equality: why are they treated differently for the same choices?

Provoking Thoughts 

Have we ever thought about who decided what a "good woman" looks like?

Why are women always expected to prove their goodness and worth through sacrifice and their willingness to give away?

Is a Patriarchal System Serving Protection or Control?

Patriarchy is often presented as protection and stated as "we are trying to keep you safe." Here, we can ask: who are you protecting us from? Yes, safety matters, but who is causing us problems? Is it some other creature, the same or the opposite gender?

These questions might start a long discussion, but for now we need to understand that there is a clear difference between protecting and controlling someone. Stopping a woman from traveling, pursuing a particular career, choosing a partner, choosing friends, or even deciding on clothes cannot be termed protection. Protection autonomises an individual. A woman can be protected and be free at the same time. She can be loved and trusted without being controlled. 

Some societies sugarcoat the words as protection, while some, including South Asian communities, claim women as the burden of family honor. 

Women as the Carrier of Family Honor

In some societies, women are expected to carry the honor and reputation of an entire family. It can be their clothing, friendships, career choices, and decision to marry or not marry, including the decision to leave an unhealthy relationship. This becomes a reason for not having news of honor killings of men but women, as she is considered the family's reputation management project. Her dignity depends on how perfectly she conforms to family or social expectations.  

Marriage and the Lost Identity of Woman

Another invisible rule is the loss of a woman's individuality, as her identity becomes secondary. Before marriage, she is a daughter. After marriage, she becomes a wife. Later, she becomes the mother. Beneath all these relationships, there should be someone with a separate identity, ambitions, friendships, interests, opinions, and dreams. Marriage should bring joy and add to a woman's life, without forcing her to choose between being loved and being herself. Rather than absorbing her whole energy. 

Woman Being the Unpaid Worker

Women are labeled as the cook, cleaner, nanny for kids, caretaker for elderly relatives, and manager for all the household responsibilities, so patriarchal norms also influence how we understand work. 

They are supposed to remember the appointments, family obligations, and everyone's choices. Once they complete all these tasks, society compliments them and says, "There is nothing special; every woman does it." It looks more like invisible, unpaid care work. Whereas in reality, these require time, energy, and emotional labor. Also, equality demands recognition and shared tasks, not just praising women for carrying an unequal burden.

Patriarchy Living Inside Everyone's Mind

As women, we start questioning ourselves whenever we take a stand and put ourselves before anyone else. The questions look like these:

“Am I being selfish?”

“Am I asking for too much?”

“Will people judge me?”

“Maybe I should just compromise.”

“Maybe I should stay quiet.”

“Maybe this is just how things are.”

At this stage, patriarchy wins, as it has successfully engraved all the rules in our lives. This way, women internalize the external voice and police themselves regardless of their choices.

Do you think WE CAN break the rules?

Challenging the patriarchy does not mean breaking the family or social circle; it clearly means questioning inequality. A woman can love her family, value her marriage, choose motherhood, respect the cultural norms, be feminine, strong, and independent without losing her dignity, being submissive, or becoming lonely and hard. She can build a life without proving those choices are acceptable to everyone else.

What if WE rewrote the rules?

Let's imagine a world where girls are courageous. They feel safe from masculinity, and saying no does not make a woman selfish. They are heard and given equal opportunities. The household responsibilities are shared. Their identity will not disappear behind labels like daughter, wife, or mother, and their education and career growth will be valued. In this world, women and men will have equal standing.

The First Step is Noticing

We ALL need to start noticing the invisible struggles. Patriarchal norms are often treated as reality, not as expectations. 

So the first step becomes noticing the INVISIBLE RULES! 

The second is QUESTIONING how these rules were created.

Ask why and who is benefiting from them, and most importantly, ask whether they are actually fair. 

Not every tradition is meant to be preserved, and not every expectation deserves obedience simply because elders follow it or because it is old. 

Let's not assume every woman who refuses to follow an invisible rule is rebellious. She can choose her own rules. Equality will begin when the world's design is transformed from fitting women into a patriarchal mould, and we start building a world where they can decide who they want to become.

The writer acknowledges that this blog is based on limited, relevant exposure.